3 Ways You’re Making Your Infertility Journey Harder Than It Needs to Be

The infertility journey can quickly become a roller coaster of emotions. One minute you think you’re doing fine and the next you’re bursting into tears on your bathroom floor or angrily fuming at the internet as everyone around you seems to get getting pregnant, except you. There are days where it truly feels like the world is against you.

But what no one tells you is that the biggest obstacle standing in your own way is you.

I can still pinpoint the day I hit rock bottom in my infertility journey. I was sobbing on the floor after my sister had called to tell me she was pregnant. It was one of the hardest moments of both of our lives and yet there I sat blaming myself for the spot we were in - in my mind I had done something to deserve struggling with infertility. I wasn’t grateful enough. I wasn’t Catholic enough. I wasn’t good enough. Sound familiar?

What I didn’t know in that moment is that I was doing several things (on an almost daily basis) that were contributing to how shitty I felt. I had gotten myself caught in an endless loop (hello emotional roller coaster) with no way to get off. What I eventually learned was that with a few small shifts, I could have a completely different experience even if I still didn’t know how all of this would end.

And by doing these things a little less, slowly but surely, my infertility journey got a little better.

Get Off of Google

As someone who has always prided herself in being able to control things, I thought that like most things in life, I could control this too. So when we initially started on our infertility journey, I set out to consume as much information as humanly possible. What I didn’t realize is that more information is not always better. In fact, the more information I consumed, the more overwhelmed I became. There were a million things I needed to be doing - charting, peeing on ovulation strips, changing my diet, exercising more or was it differently??? My head still spins even thinking about it now.

No amount of information on Google can provide the comfort or the control you’re seeking on this journey.

In fact, it made me feel worse. It reminded me of everything I wasn’t doing and pretty much told me it would be my fault if our infertility journey didn’t work out. Read: not helpful.

What I would offer you instead is to be mindful of the information you’re consuming and set limits. These limits (or boundaries as some may call them) will help you find the information you actually need and stop you in your tracks when you’re just doing some indulgent google searches like, “My left boob hurts but my right one doesn’t. Am I pregnant?” True story. I actually googled that. More than once.

Stop Blaming Yourself

When we’re feeling hurt and down, the best thing we could possibly do for ourselves is beat ourselves into the ground even further. Having a bad day? Oh yeah, of course you are. That’s because you’re a terrible person. Who talks like that!? We do. To ourselves. All the time.

I need you to hear this one really important thing - no matter your diagnosis, none of this is your fault.

It’s not your partners fault. And it doesn’t matter how many diagnoses you’ve been given. When you can let go of the blame, especially the pressure we put on ourselves, it will make your journey that much easier. So how do you start doing this? Start paying attention to when you’re blaming yourself and nip it in the bud. If you wouldn’t let a friend talk to you that way, you shouldn’t let yourself do it either. <3

Avoid the Comparison Game

We’ve all been there. You’re in a wonderful infertility support group, but you find yourself trolling the comments to see if she got pregnant. And when you find out you did, you throw your arms in the air because now there’s no possible way that you’ll get pregnant this cycle. As if there’s only a limited number of pregnancies to go around. Here’s a fact I needed shoved in my face several times on my journey:

Someone else’s pregnancy does not dictate the outcome of your infertility journey.

There is absolutely zero correlation. The universe does not have quotas on babies.

But girl, when you’re in thick of it, it is so easy to believe this is true. But here’s the thing. This thought is not serving you. It’s leaving you bitter, angry, and you guessed it, it’s making this journey harder than it needs to be. So the next time someone announces their pregnancy, the next time someone in the infertility group posts a picture of those two pink lines remind yourself “This has nothing to do with me.” And if you’re not ready to celebrate in the joy, that is 100% ok. This isn’t about ignoring those hard feelings, it’s ok for them to exist. What we don’t want to do is make those hard feelings even harder. Comparison really is the thief of joy, so let’s try really hard to not give our joy away. Because yes, at the end of the day, it is 100% ours to give.

By setting boundaries with Google, being kinder to ourselves, and removing ourselves from spaces where we’re tempted to fall into comparison, we can slowly but surely start to make this journey a little less hard. And if you’re looking for a place to start, start by completing this free 5-day challenge to help you find a little more joy on your infertility journey.

This journey doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it. And one of the ways that we make it less hard is by not doing it alone. Sending you so much love, friend. 💕